Author: Hongyu

When Charles deGaulle decided to retire from public life, the British
ambassador and his wife threw a gala dinner party in his honor.

At the dinner table the Ambassador’s wife was talking with Madame
deGaulle.

“Your husband has been such a prominent public figure, such a presence
on the French and International scene for so many years! How quiet
retirement will seem in comparison. What are you most looking forward
to
in these retirement years?”

“A penis,” replied Madame deGaulle.

A huge hush fell over the table. Everyone heard her answer… and no
one knew what to say next.

Le Grand Charles leaned over to his wife and said, “Ma cherie, I
believe ze English pronounce zat word, ‘appiness!’

A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money.

The old guy fingered his worsted wool vest and said, “Well, son, it was
1932. The depth of the Great Depression. I was down to my last nickel.

“I invested that nickel in an apple. I spent the entire day polishing
the apple and, at the end of the day, I sold the apple for ten cents.

“The next morning, I invested those ten cents in two apples. I spent
the entire day polishing them and sold them at 5:00 pm for 20 cents. I
continued this system for a month, by the end of which I’d accumulated
a
fortune of $1.37.

“Then my wife’s father died and left us two million dollars.”

One day, a man was walking along the beach and came across an
odd-looking bottle. Not being one to ignore tradition, he rubbed it
and,
much to his surprise, a Genie actually appeared.

“For releasing me from the bottle, I will grant you three wishes,” said
the Genie.

The man was ecstatic. “But there’s a catch,” the Genie continued.

“What catch?” asked the man, eyeing the Genie suspiciously.

The Genie replied, “For each of your wishes, every lawyer in the world
will receive DOUBLE what you asked for.”

“Hey, I can live with that! No problem!” replied the elated man.

“What is your first wish?” asked the Genie.

“Well, I’ve always wanted a Ferrari!”

POOF! A Ferrari appeared in front of the man. “Now, every lawyer in the
world has been given TWO Ferraris,” said the Genie. “What is your next
wish?”

“I could really use a million dollars…” replied the man, and POOF!
One million dollars appeared at his feet. “Now, every lawyer in the
world is TWO million dollars richer,” the Genie reminded the man.

“Well, that’s okay, as long as I’ve got MY million,” replied the man.

“And what is your final wish?” asked the Genie.

The man thought long and hard, and finally said, “Well, you know, I’ve
always wanted to donate a kidney…”

An enormously wealthy 65-year-old man falls in love with a young woman
in her twenties and is contemplating a proposal.

“Do you think she’d marry me if I tell her I’m 45?” he asked a friend.

“Your chances are better,” said the friend, “if you tell her you’re
90.”